DC Comes Out for the Gay

The D.C. Council voted 11 to 2 today in favor of a bill that would legalize gay marriage. However, since D.C. exists in some political nether region more akin to Guam than any other parcel of the continental 48, the proposal must pass through 30 days of legislative review from the House, Senate and President before it can become law. Local church groups promise to completely spoil the party and fight this bill however they can.



The Catholic Church, by way of the local archdiocese, has gone a step further. And in an effort to be rendered completely irrelevant, has promised to cut off all social services to the District of Columbia, including homeless shelters and adoption services, if the bill becomes law. It's estimated that 68,000 people will be told to go fuck themselves by the Catholic Church if Adam and Steve get registered at Crate and Barrel.



And that makes sense. Cause if there's one thing Jesus Christ always said, it was: "Thou shall kick all homeless people to the curb if ever it becomes the will of the people to let two dudes get married. Orphans, too." It's in the Bible, people. Somewhere towards the back of the book. Look it up.