Koreally?!

Ruthless tyrant and aspiring filmmaker, Kim Jong Il apparently isn't getting enough attention up there in Pyongyang. And as any emotionally stunted moron with a nuclear arsenal and an inferiority complex would do, he's promised to annihilate the United States next week on the 4th of July.



Here's the story. The Koreans are rumored to be shipping arms to Myanmar. But because of the underground nuclear tests the rogue state conducted earlier in the year, they are now subject to sanctions. The ship in question, Kang Nam, is being trailed by a Navy destroyer, the USS John McCain (wait - really?). If the ship is boarded, the North Koreans will view this is an act of war. "If the U.S. imperialists start another war, the army and people of Korea will ... wipe out the aggressors on the globe once and for all," the official Korean Central News Agency said.



The word is that Kim wants to nuke Hawaii on the 4th of July, possibly because it's his dad's birthday, or because of the significance of the holiday here, or maybe because Barack is from Hawaii. But the joke's on you, Kim. Barack Obama's a secret Muslim who isn't even from America. Still, as a precautionary measure, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has sent ships out to the Pacific just in case Kim Jong Il does in fact have a death wish.