Speaking truth with power.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Today, speaking in front of two draped American flags, John McCain rose above political pandering and hollow posturing to announce he was suspending his campaign for President. (Drama Queen!) He vowed to return to Washington immediately to help solve the economic crisis that his aides alerted him was currently taking place.

And despite the fact that McCain has been criticizing Senator Obama for not agreeing to weekly town-hall debates, he sought to cancel their first debate, scheduled for this Friday. The crisis demanded immediate action from the Senators, he said...

Either that, or he's a total pussy, and doesn't want to get whooped in a debate by Barack.

Later in the day, standing in front of his own set of American flags, Barack Obama rejected McCain's call to delay the debates.

“This is exactly the time when people need to hear from the candidates,” he said. "Part of the president’s job is to deal with more than one thing at once. In my mind it’s more important than ever.”

Senator Obama eventually agreed to meet with John McCain on Thursday at the White House so President Bush could brief them both on the financial crisis firsthand.

Wait? Bush is still President? Isn't he in Crawford? Or Kennebunkport? Or Camp David? He's actually in DC? No kidding. That would explain why earlier tonight, almost as a matter of course, the goofy child President came out of seclusion and sheepishly addressed the nation. "Our entire economy is in danger,” he said.

Well, you don't say, Mr. President. Did somebody just wake you up? You sure you don't want to sit this one out? This could get hairy, sir, and to be honest, you look like you've been drinking again.

But if you are going play this down, why not give it to us straight. We can handle it.

You're saying we might be in trouble? Eight years of tax cuts, outrageous concessions to literally anyone in the oil or credit card industries, alongside two simultaneous wars, all the while never asking a single American (who isn't enlisted) to make a single sacrifice, is not conducive to sustaining a healthy economy? Are you sure? You seemed so blindly sure of this for all of your time in office. And now, with about 40 days left in office, you're telling us we're screwed? Really?

One follow up question, Mr. President. Are you wearing lipstick?


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