Do You Get It?!

The mayor of Los Alamitos, CA, Dean Grose sent around an email of the following picture with a caption that read: No Easter Egg Hunt This Year. Not surprisingly, Mayor Grose has caught a lot of flack over this brouhaha and will resign his Mayordom sometime soon.



Wait. Why? Because it's funny. In response to all these crazy calls of him being a dumbshit bigot, Mayor Grose had this to say: "Bottom line is, we laugh at things." Right. Like racism, for example. Don't you get it? Here's a quick math equation to help some of you numbskulls out there who don't understand comedy: watermelons + White House + black president + racist pricks knowing how to attach a picture in an email = really, really funny! In fact, everyone should email Dean Grose and tell him how funny it is. dgrose@ci.los-alamitos.ca.us



Oh, and Rod Blagojevich called. He said your hair makes you look like a douchebag.

Represent!

The previously good-for-nothing U.S. Senate has today passed the D.C. Voting Rights Bill, by a vote of 61-37. District resident have been getting taxed, and drafted into wars, and held subject to the Supreme Court's rulings on gun laws, all without so much as a vote in Congress. Now finally, after only 200 years or so, representational democracy has found its way to the nation's capital. The nearly 600,000 American citizens will now get some representation to go with their aforementioned taxation.



License plates must now be changed. And plans for a Potomac Tea Party must unfortunately be canceled.

USA! USA!

The Right to Bare Arms

Michelle Obama was in attendance last night, watching her husband's speech from the gallery. She braved the brick-ass cold of Washington, DC in February, donning a sleeveless blouse, in which she looked absolutely stunning. Mrs. Obama has said in the past that she is far too serious to flaunt her chest or legs, so her arms, therefore, are usually on display. And last night Michelle took every opportunity to show off these guns with thinly veiled "clapping" and "waving."



We here at Muck Breaker, would like to say the following to the First Lady: Damn, girl.

State of the Union

Last night, President Barry Barack Obama spoke before a joint session of Congress, in what could be billed as a 'sort of' State of the Union, or SOSOTU. Obama took to the podium and promised Americans that "we will rebuild."



Obama talked about health care, saying: "Let there be no doubt: health care reform cannot wait, it must not wait, and it will not wait another year." He urged the Congress to also act quickly on the environment and energy. He gave notice to highfalutin CEO's, saying: "This time, C.E.O.’s won’t be able to use taxpayer money to pad their paychecks or buy fancy drapes or disappear on a private jet. Those days are over.” And he even made time to pat himself on passing of the bailout and the closing of Guantanamo. While the pageantry may have outweighed the substance, he still did a pretty good job.



Then a few minutes later Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal took to the airwaves for the GOP rebuttal. Bobby Jindal is a possible candidate for 2012, and had an opportunity Tuesday night to garner some national face time. The governor's speech struck a controversial tone, when he proclaimed that Americans can "do" "anything." Not surprisingly, Jindal's speech was not terribly well received this morning, with opponents calling it too hokie, and a little reminiscent of Kenneth from 30 Rock. His supporters noted that it was a hard task to follow up Obama's first State of the Union.



Jindal himself was unavailable today for comment, however, as he was riding a unicorn down to 9th ward, where he planned to rebuild the broken levies with rainbows made from his farts.

Nation of Cowards

Yesterday, Eric Holder, the country's first African-American attorney general, called America 'a nation of cowards' when discussing race. To which, Americans might have responded, after first looking over the shoulder to see who was around, 'What else do these people want?' We already voted one of them into office!



After all, racism is dead! And it's been dead for almost 4 months now. Apparently, Holder didn't get the memo. Hell, it's been over ten years since a man was lynched in this country, and almost 4 years since New Orleans drowned. Get with the program, bro!

Northern Exposure

Barack Obama is in Ottawa meeting today with Canadian Prime Minister... um... I have no idea who the Prime Minister of Canada is.



It turns out his name is Stephen Harper. That's adorable! Who knew? (Presumably, people from Canada.) Honestly, this guy could walk into my office, and I would have no idea that he was a world leader, let alone Canadian. (Which is why no Canadians can be trusted, but that's a rant for another post.)



Aside from the press conference, reports are hazy on how the two leaders will spend their time together. Though it's probably safe to say that at some point the two men will play hockey with Mike Myers and Feist.

Rumsfeld Rides the Bus

Rumors have been circulating for weeks now that former Secretary of Defense, and all around squinty-eyed twat, Donald Rumsfeld has been seen riding the 42 bus in Washington, DC. It's good to know that Uncle Rummy is still kicking around with at least $1.35 in walking around money. But could this rumor be true?



The answer is yes. Yesterday, we here at Muck Breaker recieved an email from arguably our most beautiful reader, stating: DUDE I SAW DON RUMSFELD ON THE BUS THIS MORNING. No one believes me but I know it was him. Is that even possible? We made eye contact. I am totally thrown.



I've ridden the 42. It sucks. While, I'd rather see Uncle Rummy on the slow boat to hell, I can still get a kick out of him this way. It's no wheelchair, but I suppose it'll do.

In Withdrawal

Tom Dashchle has withdrawn his nomination to lead the Health and Human Services Department. It seems the former Senator "forgot" to pay over $100,000 in "taxes." He cited the discrepancy as an honest mistake, but refused to call it an excuse. This news came only hours after Nancy Killefer, who had been the nominee for a new White House oversight position, withdrew her nomination for her own tax issues.