Barack'd You Like a Hurricane?

Earlier this week, our lord and savior Jesus Christ summoned up the powers of the sea and set in motion a great and vengeful storm, directing it towards the liberal shores of Martha's Vineyard. This wrath of frothy sea and unrelenting winds is due to descend upon Martha's Vineyard on or around the same time as noted granny killer and supposed "President" Barry Barack Obama arrives with his family.



When asked to comment, the voice of God bellowed deeply from the heavens, saying, "There is only one member of the true death panel!"

Oh No She Didn't!

Representative Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) hosted one of them fancy town hall parties all the other lawmakers get to throw. But things got boring for Sheila when it turned out all these "voters" only wanted to ask "questions." Luckily, the Congresswoman was spared a fate of irreparable boredom when her phone rang. But, instead of acting like a normal human being and ignoring it, she acted like a normal American and answered it. But, instead of saying "hold up, let me call you right back," she actually stayed on the phone.



Did she really disregard a constituent so blatantly? Did she really reinforce the stereotype of lawmakers being selfish fools who really only work to get themselves re-elected? Did she really just broadcast her own indifference on the most important issue in American politics?



Yes, in fact, she did.

Santorum in 2012?

Defeated Senator and noted bigot, Rick Santorum is visiting Iowa today, fueling speculation he will run for President in 2012. You might remember Rick Santorum from when he was a Senator for Pennsylvania and he equated homosexuality with child molestation and bestiality in an interview. And while 2012 is a long ways away, we here at Muck Breaker are predicting a full on race riot/culture war, with the gays and blacks on one side and everyone else on the other, should Santorum somehow secure his party's nomination. (Attica! Attica!)



The gay community took their revenge on Santorum by reassigning his name to define something we don't feel comfortable typing out here, but fine linking to here. (Wow! Well done, gays.) In a weird way, we'd love to see him run (and lose). Because, Rick Santorum is a backwards human being who deserves all the ridicule and failure he's got coming to him.



To further illustrate this point, here is a picture of his daughter crying at his concession speech in 2006.

Miss Information

One of the major roadblocks to the health care debate is misinformation. A large part of this lies squarely on the lawmakers themselves, many of whom have not even read the proposed bill. Really, guys? You each have a staff and office full of interns. We here at Muck Breaker know that your time is precious, what with being right smack in the middle of the Congressional softball season.



Couldn't you spare just a few days and peruse this thing? We know it's long, but if you could please read this thing, you could assuage one of the protesters main concerns... namely that you don't know what you're talking about and/or potentially voting on.



Another source of misinformation has come in the form of outside agitators. Former Governor, and noted moron, Sarah Palin has done wonders for this cause. Recently, Sarah Palin took a moment away from hunting wolves from helicopters and assured her legions of mouth breathing supporters that Obama's health care plan would include death panels. That's right, death panels.



She said, "The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s 'death panel.' Such a system is downright evil." It's worth noting that AARP, the nation's largest senior citizen advocacy group, has endorsed the hell out of this bill. But more importantly, death panels? Really, Sarah Palin? You've sauntered into the most important national debate and offered death panels?



Misinformation aside, there are 46 million uninsured Americans in this, the richest country on the planet. We're not here to say how to change this, but surely something must be done. And while dissent is welcome, lies and fear mongering is not.

Injuries Sustained at Health Care Townhalls Will NOT Be Covered Under Proposed Health Care Plan

In town halls across the country, the debate over health care has gotten spirited. And by debate, we mean fight. And by spirited, we mean buck-ass wild. Let's open wide and take a look, shall we?



The Obama Administration wanted health care legislation passed before the August recess. Of course, that didn't happen. So with Congress on vacay until Labor Day, Dr. Barack has sent his lawmaking minions back to their home bases to sell his forced abortion, sex change, commie, freak out health care bill to the people. The obedient legislators have opened up the floor at town halls in their districts, looking to gauge voters' temperatures. And that's when things started getting weird.



As you might expect, some folks have trotted down to these events and spoken into the microphones before thinking, saying things like, "Get the government out of my Medicare!" But it's not just people in overalls and NASCAR hats, crying socialism. In some places, it's actually gotten violent. Fights have broken out. Lawmakers have been shouted down. Today in Pennsylvania, Arlen Specter was told what his eternal fate would be, and Kathy Castor had to have police escort her out of the building earlier this week in Florida.



And similar scenes of hostile constituents are meeting lawmakers elsewhere. Some legislators have decided to conduct their town halls over the phone, while others are avoiding them altogether. Because, like with health care issues, sometimes it's best just to avoid the problem.

Sotomayor Confirmed

The Senate has just confirmed the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor by a vote of 68-31. Sotomayor will be the 111th person to sit on the Supreme Court, and the third woman justice.



For those of you scoring at home, 59 Democrats voted 'aye' as well as nine Republicans. Nine republicans who upon returning to the their home state might have some explaining to do.

Do You Have Any Idea How Busy I Am, Bill Clinton?!

Four months ago, two American journalists wandered across the North Korean border from China in an effort to report on the refugee situation there. The two women, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor for what the North Korean News Agency described as "illegally intruding" the country. And if you've never perused the North Korean News Agency's website, do yourself a favor and check it out here.



But then earlier this week, Bill Clinton stepped in. Perhaps, he was helping Hillary with matters of State. Perhaps, he was trying to take control of his legacy. Or Perhaps, Bill Clinton sensed there were women in North Korea that needed him. Whatever his motivations, he was moved to act.



So with the blessing of President Obama, and presumably Hillary, ol' Bubba was on a jet plane to North Korea to see about getting some leniency. Upon arriving Clinton met with aspiring filmmaker, and occasional tyrant, Kim Jong Il, and within a few hours, secured the women's release.



There are still a LOT of questions to be answered here. It's not clear how or when these women were captured, (or how their producer slipped away). It's not clear how exactly Clinton made this happen. It's not clear what sort of precedent this trip will set with regard to dealing with the rogue state in the future, especially on the matter of nuclear weapons. But one thing is clear: a little girl was reunited with her mother today. And Bill Clinton made it all happen.



Furthermore, free flowing information, and those who promote it, found in Bill Clinton, of all people, its greatest champion since that Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at Bush.

Happy Birthday, Liar!

On this day in 1961, secret Muslim, elitist, cigarette-smoking, communist President Barry Barack Hussein Obama was allegedly "born." So called "certificates" and "documents" supposedly "prove" that this "birth" took place in Hawaii. And these "official records" are further verified by the state "of" Hawaii and the Republican Governor "Linda " Lingle.



But, is a certified birth certificate endorsed by a sitting Governor from the opposite political party good enough to prove that B. HUSSEIN Obama was born at all, let alone in America? According to a group of mouth-breathing, inbred, sore-losing, ignorant bigots, or "birthers," the answer is no. In their twisted, gin-soaked minds, the President is ducking the issue by NOT going door-to-door with his birth certificate and/or forwarding the YouTube video of his slick infant head traveling through his mother's birth canal.



After all, the practice of sitting Presidents providing their birth certificate on demand to a small, half-literate, ultimately insignificant faction of the losing party dates back to... well, never. Regardless, this bloc of 'Mericans contend that since there is no proof (except for the aforementioned authenticated birth certificate) that Barry is a citizen, his (landslide) election was illegitimate, and therefore he should be stripped of his office. "We want," the birthers go on to say at any townhall, NASCAR event, or blog comment section, "our country back!"