Heading to St. Paul

The sun rose this morning on the island, revealing a perfect late summer day. Waking up at around 7, we walked to the barn, and rode bikes to breakfast. But by 9:30, we still didn't have a table. It was early, sure. But I had to get to St. Paul. We scrapped the sit-down, and grabbed egg sandwiches for the drive to the boat.

Saying my goodbyes to family and friends, I boarded the 10:45 out of O.B., and headed towards the mainland. When shortly after departure, the pain settled in. Oh yeah, that's right. There had been a party the night before. The rains held off, and that funny band showed up. There were many drinks, and not nearly enough dinner. Oh yeah, that's right. That would explain why my insides felt like a Tom Waits song.

On the other side, I boarded a bus bound for Logan Airport. And from Logan to O'Hare. And from O'Hare to Minnesota. And getting off the plane, my bladder was full. I made my way to the men's room and caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked like a criminal, an agitator. I needed a shower and a change of clothes. I needed a cheeseburger and a flag pin for my lapel.

First, I still needed to piss. The urinals were all filled up, so I'd have to use a stall. But this was Larry Craig's bathroom, so I'd have to watch my footing. And this is St. Paul on the week of the convention, so I'll have to watch my step.

Palin

Earlier today, presumptive Republican nominee, John McCain officially took the wind out of Barry's sails and announced his pick for Vice President. Alaska Governor, and all around piece of ass, Sarah Palin was tapped... don't say tapped.... chosen to round out McCain's ticket.





Muck Breaker hopes to soon know more about the Governor and potential Veep, her politics, and where she stands on the issues important to Americans. Because as for now, all we know for sure, is that we may be in love.

Day 4 in Denver - Baracked Like a Hurricane

Barry Barack Obama took to the stage at Invesco Field last night and delivered another great speech. He gave prime time viewers a glimpse of what his Presidency would look like. He laid out his proposals for service, tuition, foreign policy, education and the economy. And he also took the opportunity to verbally pimp-smack that old queen, John McCain.




It was a great speech. But I for one, got absolutely crushed in my word usage pool, winning only one of the three pools I entered. Here's a sample of the breakdown:

The over/under for times Obama would use the word 'dream' was set at 5. I took the over. And Barry came in at 7. (This was the only one I won.)

The over/under for times Obama would use the word 'change' was set at 14. I took the over. But Barry only came with 10 uses.

And finally, the over/under for times Obama would use the word 'hope' was readjusted to 8. I took the over. And Barry uttered it once.

Once?

Really, Barry?

Predictions for Barry's Speech

Barry Barack Obama will speak tonight at Denver's Invesco Field. He joins FDR and JFK in becoming the third presidential candidate to accept his party's nomination outdoors.





I'm betting dollars to donuts he uses the word "Hope" 10 times, and rushes for at least 175 yards.

Day 3 in Denver - The Love Fest Continues

Last night in Denver, the official nomination took place. During roll call, Hillary Clinton, speaking on behalf of the New York delegates, requested that the voting be suspended, and Barack Obama be nominated by acclamation. Speaker Pelosi seconded this motion, and the "I's" took it handily.

Hours later, the love fest continued when Bill Clinton took the stage and shocked damn near everyone. In his speech, the 42nd President fully, and seemingly genuinely, endorsed Barack Obama for President. Clinton urged Hillary's supporters to get behind Barack this November. He even repeatedly said, "Barack is ready." There was hardly even any mention of his Administration.

Honestly. I would have been less surprised if aliens had ripped off the roof of the Pepsi Center. I really did not see this coming.

Oh yeah, and Joe Biden talked too. I guess he's gonna be vice president or whatever.

Flashback - 7/27/04 - The Rasheed Wallace Edition

Bear with me here for a moment....
In 2004, the L.A. Lakers were an unstoppable basketball powerhouse. There was very little doubt in anybody's mind that they would win their 4th title in 5 years. It was a lock, a sure thing. But then the Detroit Pistons, a decent squad at the time, made a trade for Rasheed Wallace. Overnight, any conversation of contenders had to include Detroit. Wallace was a total game-changer, he changed match-ups, shook up the whole field. He was tall enough to bang down low with Shaq, but could also bury the three ball. His size and versatility freed up all of his teammates to play their game, while at the same time causing havoc for opposing coaches. And sure enough, by June, the Pistons were champions, defeating the heavily favored Lakers in 5 games.

A month later in Boston, a tall, skinny kid with a funny name took to the stage at the Fleet Center for the Democratic National Convention. Not nearly as well-known as Rasheed Wallace, Barack Obama crushed the keynote address and overnight became a household name. Like Rasheed Wallace, Obama appeared to be a game-changer.

The Democrats of 2004 looked very old, very white, and not at all very different from their Republican opponents. They all smacked of status quo. Kerry, Edwards, Gephardt, and Co. lost something with their own base that year, because they came off as Republican-lite. They hated the Iraq war, but they all voted for it. They were against gay marriage, but thought a Constitutional amendment was too harsh. They were fence-riders, the lot of them. And they inspired nobody.

But then came along this new guy.... the one with the funny name. And before his speech in Boston was over, it was almost as though you could hear liberal wheels spinning from Sausalito to Hyannisport. "This guy could make some noise. This guy could provide some interesting match-ups. Young and handsome with a clean voting record on the war. This guy - some day - could be a viable candidate."

I was in San Francisco the night of that speech, living on an air mattress in an over sized closet in my sister's apartment. I went out the next morning to get my dry-cleaning, and remember seeing an "Obama in '08" sticker. That'd be something, I thought. But there's just no way.

Major Shout Outs to Eleanor Holmes Norton

You may have missed it yesterday amidst all of the Hillary hoopla, but D.C. Representative, Eleanor Holmes Norton used her time at the podium to bring to the forefront an issue that should bring great shame to lovers of democracy everywhere. During her speech, Eleanor Holmes Norton urged the Senate to pass the D.C. Statehood bill. D.C. residents pay taxes, fight and die in wars, yet receive no legislative representation in our federal government. It's outrageous to think that a city full of Americans can host the seat of government, but not take part in it.

Major Shout Outs to Eleanor Holmes Norton!

Day 2 in Denver - U-N-I-T-Y

Another day in the Mile High City. Another host of Democrat well-wishers for the presumptive One, "Barry" Barack Obama. Today's schedule of speakers included.... oh hell! Nobody cares what Rahm Emanuel had to say.

Tonight's the night that she spoke.

New York Senator, former front-runner, and occasional cry-baby, Hillary Clinton took to the stage tonight at the Pepsi Center. Borrowing a page from Queen Latifah's playbook, the former First Lady implored the fractious Democratic party to rally around the tall, skinny kid with the funny name, and unify. She praised Barack Obama, his wife Michelle, and spoke of the necessity to keep John McCain and his politics of yesterday at bay.

And in all fairness, it was a pretty good speech. Hillary praised the suffragette movements of the early 20th Century, citing how far they've come. She praised women everywhere, invoking the struggles of her mother's generation, as well as the hope of her daughter's. While in the end, she kept it about Barack, and ultimately the Party.

Now, I'd like to say that's all we'd be hearing from the Clintonistas this week. I'd like to say that'd be the ribbon on the unfortunate package that was the 2008 Democratic Primary. But something tells me there'll be more from this fringe element tomorrow night. Something tells me that lurking somewhere in the shadows of the former front-runner's pantsuit, waits a dark, menacing and groping presence.

These Fucking Guys

In what may come as a shock to absolutely no one, a group of poorly-educated ass clowns don't think a black man should be President. Two handsome douchebags (pictured above) were arrested in Denver, along with two other presumably eligible bachelors, in connection with a plot to assassinate Barack Obama during his acceptance speech on Thursday night at Invesco Field.

Officials with the U.S. Attorney's office in Denver said they do not believe there is a credible threat to Obama or the convention. "It's premature to say that it was a valid threat or that these folks have the ability to carry it out," said a U.S. government official familiar with the investigation.

Right.

Day 1 in Denver

Teddy Kennedy was a late edition to last night's lineup of speakers. And the Senior Senator from Massachusetts noticeably struggled through his address, tugging on liberal heart strings from Portland, Oregon to Portland, Maine.


But it was Michelle Obama, or perhaps her daughters, who really stole the show. Her speech touched on how her and Barack first met, as well their first date over ice-cream. She focused more on Barack Obama the man, and steered clear of talking about Barack Obama the politician.

Michelle Obama (and her daughters for that matter) also suspiciously steered clear of talking about Barack Obama the elitist, secret fundamentalist Muslim. There was literally no mention of how Barack plans to be inaugurated with the Koran, or his designs on throwing out the first pitch at next year's Nats opening day wearing a turban.

Nice try, Michelle. But we're not buying it. Even if you are the most attractive wife of a candidate since Elizabeth Kucinich - and you are - we here at Muck Breaker think it's high time you come clean about your husband's true secret (elitist) past.

The Democrats Are Coming! The Democrats Are Coming!

Actually, they're already there. Today in Denver the Democratic National Convention kicks off with calls to order, gavel-passing and sure to be rousing speeches from the likes of Howard Dean, Michelle Obama, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, Nancy Pelosi, Jesse Jackson.... wait.... really? They're letting this guy speak at Barry's convention? Honestly, who's nuts do you have to threaten to cut off to get banned from this thing?

I suppose they'd have us believe that Bill Clinton is gonna speak this week too.

Come on!

Biden

Yesterday, millions of liberal cell phones were a flutter when they received text messages of the exciting news that the NY Times broke the night before. Wunderkind Barack "Barry" Obama had chosen one-time wunderkind, current curmudgeon, Joseph Biden as his running mate in the upcoming election.




Biden, the Michael Phelps of Delaware Senators, once described himself as Barack Obama before Barack Obama. Not so much in that he has a long lost brother living in a shack in Kenya, or because like Obama, he is also (at least) half-white. But more because Biden was once considered the young, brash upstart of the Senate; getting himself elected at the ripe old age of 29.

But that was 36 years ago. Today Biden is better known for his wealth of experience and expertise in foreign affairs. Some pundits posit that the recent clash between Georgian and Russian forces was the final impetus in Obama's choice for Biden as his Veep. However, reports of Biden sending Medvedev and Putin fruit baskets in appreciation have yet to be confirmed.

Biden is also known for his say-anything attitude. Of course we all remember his observations on the nascent candidacy of Obama way back in February of last year:

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean that's a storybook, man."

I'm sure that's all water under the bridge by now. As I'm sure we won't hear this soundbite hashed out again by the McCain camp.

But other than his occasional (and/or frequent) gaffes, Biden brings a certain gravitas to the Obama ticket. His experience compliments Obama's youth. Biden's regarded as existing outside the DC bubble, (despite his 36 years in the Senate), whereas Obama is a secret Muslim elitist. Biden regularly takes the train home to Wilmington after work, whereas Obama probably owns a segueway. Above all, though, Obama undoubtedly is looking to Biden to help him shore up support in the all too important rust belt states of Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania this November.

Presumptive Republican candidate John McCain has yet to announce his Vice President pick. Early reports are leaning towards one-time rival, and bizarre underwear-owning, Mitt Romney. But in the interest of balancing out the ticket, easing voter's concerns over his age, as well as tapping into the potentially bitter bloc of one-time Hillary supporters, McCain will most likely choose this 5 year old as his running mate.

Let's Get This Started, Shall We?

With the standings of the Olympic medal count pretty much in place, it's time for us to concentrate on that other quadrennial sweepstakes. The Race for the.... Wait. Probably shouldn't use the word race, should we? Very well. The Battle for the White House is upon us!



The big day is only a little more than a 100 days away. And as such, Muck Breaker can think of nobody better than Wolfard McRae to have on hand to document as well as ridicule the pageantry and the folly that is our National Election.

Let's get this started, shall we?