Speaking truth with power.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Now What?

It's over. And in case you didn't catch the final results, it was a blowout. Barack Obama mopped the floor with John McCain, winning by well over 100 electoral votes, and nearly 6 million in the popular vote.

If just 3 years ago, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, anyone had suggested a black President in 2008, they would have been laughed out of the room. Hell, in January of 2008, Vegas probably wouldn't have given you very decent odds either. But, last night, in voting booths across the country, Americans overwhelmingly transcended their preconceptions on skin color and middle names, and choose the man they feel can best deliver change to Washington, DC. And throughout the world, America is once again seen as that land of hope and opportunity, where surely anything is possible.

But now what? Ok, Barack. You did it. You proved us all wrong. You ran an amazing campaign. You inspired millions. Now what?

America loves you, Barack. That's for sure. But this honeymoon is going to end real quick. If people don't start seeing results, and quick, your administration could be doomed... not to mention the legacy of your historic campaign. If the politics of usual infiltrate your White House, then you will be no better than the do-nothing politicians you railed against. Our nation is in a mess, Barack. Bush left a heaping pile of shit for you to clean it up. In a way, McCain's got to be happy to turn this job over to you.

So what do you got, Barack? Please tell us there is some steak to all of your sizzle. Please tell us you are going to roll up those sleeves and deliver on at least some of those amazing speeches. You don't have to answer that now. Get some rest. Enjoy it, Barack. You've earned it. But when you wake up tomorrow, just know that you have got your work cut out for you.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

No Fucking Way!

Tonight at 11:01 EST, FoxNews, of all people, called the election for Barry Barack Obama.

And in related news, apparently anything is possible. No fucking way!

I Think I'm Tripping Right Now

will.i.am is being beamed into the CNN newsroom right now from Chicago.

And on top of that, I'm pretty sure a black guy just won the election.

Carry Me, Ohio?

MSNBC, and now CNN have called Ohio for African-American Senator Barack Obama.

In other news, Ohio resident, and all around douchebag, Joe the Plumber remains an irrelevant dicktard.

Barry Pwns Pennsylvania!!1

Battleground state, and potential McCain-camp back breaker, Pennsylvania appears to have gone in the column for Barack Obama. If this holds true, the math will get very difficult. However, Obama has yet to take a state away from the 2004 Republican column.

So it's still close.

Ballot Cast

At a little after 6 p.m. on November 4th, 2008, I cast my presidential vote for a black man, who actually has a shot at winning this thing. Hey, America. Wow!

America, you have shocked me before. Joe Millionaire, Biggie Fries, Tanya Harding, Snakes on a Plane, that jilted astronaut who wore diapers. Man, I swore I've seen it all. But a black guy? President? Well, I'll be John Brown.

Also on the Ballot...

There's more to this election than some white dude running for President against some dude who is only half white. There are ballot initiatives all over the land. And these initiatives, depending on your opinion, will either undermine or enhance our democracy.

In Massachusettes, there is one initiative against dog racing, and one initiative for sensible marijuana policy. So let me get this straight... You are allowing weed smoke, but no dog races? Well there goes my Spring Break! Hey, Massachusettes, you might as well ban peanut butter, but not jelly. Christ.

In other ballot initiatives, three states are considering anti-choice measures, while fives states are voting on whether or not to outlaw the gay. The gay, which may or may not have infiltrated all 50 states, (not to mention those queens in American Samoa), is only being evaluated legally in Arkansas, Florida, Connecticut, Arizona and California. Wait. California? California can't outlaw the gay. California is the gay. Isn't the state flag of California a picture of two gays with an adopted Asian baby?

Honestly. Google "California state flag" right now and tell me you don't see a same-sex couple with an adopted Asian baby. Nice try, California.


No tallies have been released. I've done 20 pushups, but have yet to hold down solid food. What I really need is an exit poll and a Bloody Mary.

It's over tonight, right?

Just to Recap

This link will take you through the bulk of this long and tedious campaign. I wish I could say some tipster sent it to me, but really, I just saw it on a buddy's Facebook page.

Thanks for letting me scam your page, bro!

Today Is the Day...

It's finally here. November 4, 2008. Before the polls in DC opened at 7 a.m., voters were snaked around the block. And throughout the country, pundits expect turnout to be huge today, as the rest of the world sets their focus to us. Can you smell that? That's the sweet smell of democracy wafting across the plains. That's freedom!

Will it be a blowout? Will it be too close to call tonight? Will there be riots? Does anyone know a decent drinking game?

As a Side Note....

I'd like to wish a Happy Birthday to my sister, Lizzy.

Aside from teaching me about hip hop and drinking games, Lizzy is one of the main reasons the terrorists will never win. Happy Birthday!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Hippies Give Out Free Ice-Cream, Hate America

Leftist, Jewish Ice-Cream pushers, Ben and Jerry are offering free, presumably dosed, ice cream tomorrow from 4 - 8 p.m.

Take this offer at your own risk. One lick and you'll probably be kicking your shoes off, grooving out to some 19-minute wandering jam, looking to score a parking lot burrito.

Filthy hippies.

Have Some Math

In about 24 hours polls will begin to close on the east coast. And as of now, depending on which poll you read, there is anywhere between 8 - 13 toss-up states. The remaining 37 - 42 states are considered safe bets for their respective candidates. But the toss-ups will likely determine the outcome. As of now, it appears that McCain must not only win the bulk of these toss-ups, but he must also take a blue state out of Obama's column in order for his math to reach the enchanted number of 270 electoral votes.

According to many experts it appears that Pennsylvania is the intended target for McCain's camp. And, it appears these experts may be right. During the waning days of the 2008 election, McCain has spent the bulk of his time and money in the Keystone State, banking on it leading him to victory. Though, even with a Pennsylvania win, the Obama camp can still take the day. McCain, however, can not boast the same.

Big Game Tonight

The winner of the Washington Redskins last home game before the Presidential election has accurately predicted the winning candidate 17 of the last 18 times. Basically, if the Redskins win, the incumbent party stays in power. So, in keeping with our endorsements, Muck Breaker is officially backing the Steelers tonight in Landover, MD.

The one time this rule didn't apply was... in 2004 with President Bush. God damnit, Bush! I mean, honestly, is there anything you didn't screw up?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Pack Your Shit, George!

No matter the outcome of this week's election, one thing is for certain: George W. Bush has got to pack his shit and get the fuck out of town!

That's right. By this time Wednesday, the hopeless child President, who butchered both the Constitution and the English language, will have to pack it in. Regardless of tomorrow's outcome, he will have to to gather his flightsuits and near beer, and head back to Crawford.

It's last call, buddy. You know the drill. Time to go. The history books are leaving you a pretty hefty bar-tab, pal. (Second only to the tab you leave our grandchildren.) But not even all of your daddy's connections, (or all of Cheney's bird shot), can get you out of this one. Your legacy will not be spared it's due wrath.

So do us a favor, George, and don't let the door hit you, where the good lord split you. Oh, and take your buddies with you, too.

48 Hours to Go

In a little more than two days, we will have a new President. The candidates are delivering their closing arguments. The volunteers are making their last calls. The cable news men and women are gearing up for a big night. And this blogger is freaking the fuck out!

Will I lose my mind in the next 48 hours? Will I be able to sleep or hold down solid food? Check back in for more updates!