Speaking truth with power.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Professor, The Cop, and The President

Recently, Harvard professor Henry Louis "Skip" Gates was locked out of his home in Cambridge, Mass., and forced his way in. A neighbor, seeing a black man break into a home, caught fright, and dialed 911. The officer, Sgt. James Crowley, arrived on the scene and asked for Skip's identification. Tempers (and egos) flared between Gates and Crowley, with reports that Gates might have mentioned Crowley's "mama."

Here's what's wrong with what is being dubbed by this blog as Henry Louis Gates-Gate. First off, a man got arrested in his own home. That shouldn't happen. Secondly, Gates shouldn't bring up a cop's mama. That's just dumb. But it wasn't just any black guy put in cuffs. It's Skip Gates. The guy is one of the most prominent voices on race relations in America. So naturally the cop was portrayed as racist by the court of public opinion, and as stupid.... by the President of the United States.... on national TV.

Sgt. Crowley's job is to diffuse situations like these, not take part in them. He should have put his ego aside and sought out the facts, rather than hauling off a 60-year-old Harvard professor to jail. But he's not a racist. In fact, he teaches racial sensitivity courses to the Cambridge Police Department. Boston, and her police force, have a checkered past when it comes to race relations. But not Sgt. Crowley.

So the leader of the free world, Barry Barack Obama, realizing the error of his ways (and words), did what most adults should do in these types of situations. He called Crowley up, expressed regret over his choice of words and invited the guy, along with Gates, to the White House to discuss it over a beer. That's pretty cool. Obama came right down into the fray of Henry Louis Gates Gate, and settled it like a leader should. He said let's talk.

And hey, look. That's cool, Barack. You're aiming to squash this. But why in the hell is the tempest in a teacup even on your agenda? Isn't there still health care, the economy, the environment, Pakistan's nuclear weapons falling into the hands of al-qaeda to worry about? Isn't your dance card already a little full, Barack? I can't imagine you would have much free time to settle, let alone even get involved, in such a minor incident. But, if you've got the time, cheers, my man.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Sarah Palin officially ceded power this weekend to Lt. Governor Sean Parnell. She will write a book and probably be on Hannity twice a month. Her speech was typical Palin, in that it was both rambling and incoherent. She mentioned rivers being carved and blooming fireweed. We here at MuckBreaker would have liked her to use a few more vapid sports metaphors, but we'll take what we can get. Palin also took the opportunity to take some parting shots at the media. Maybe the most notable remark being, "How about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit makin' things up?"

As a wonky blog, that is in no way an official member of the media, we here at MuckBreaker would just like to say, "Oh shut the fuck up, Sarah Palin!" The troops aren't fighting to keep stories of your pregnant daughter out of the press. They are fighting because Bush and Cheney were "makin' things up." Can you say an accurate thing once? You can't just open your mouth and let words fall out, and get away with it by invoking mob mentality, employing catch-phraserey, and winking a ton..... Oh no wait. Yeah, you totally can do that. After all, this is America. For a moment there, we almost forgot.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Brother, Can You Spare Some WD-40?

Japan, home to the largest fleet of robots, is letting its machines go idle in the wake of the economic downturn. Demands for robots, both for enjoyment and for serious, have dramatically declined, and the industry may be set back years as a result.

Nearly a quarter of Japan's population is 65 or older. Robots were going to take care of the elderly, keeping an eye on them, looking at cruise pictures and otherwise listening to stories that go nowhere like only a robot can. So now, not only do the Japanese have to deal with their elderly family members, but they also have to deal with an economically unviable workforce, which is made almost entirely of metal.

It's too early to tell, but could this gang of laid-off robots affect us here in America? Will the lack of economic opportunities for these robots usher in the era of cyborg-terrorism we've all been waiting for? Can a population of steel thugs, who cannot feel real human emotion, harm me and the ones I love? Is Barack Obama to blame?

The answers to all of these questions, unfortunately, is yes.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Palin Quits

Sarah Palin abruptly resigned from office today. She will stay on until the end of the month and transfer power, presumably peacefully, to Lt. Governor Sean Parnell. Her speech was typical Palin: rambling, without substance, and with a dash of sports metaphor sprinkled in for good measure. She kept saying over and over again that she didn't want to waste taxpayer money or play politics as usual. She also stated that she could make a greater difference to the children outside of politics.

Palin picked a really slow news today to make this announcement. Before today, many thought the smart money was on Palin gunning for a 2012 GOP bid for President. (Because, losing VPs have been so very successful in their own bids for the high office.) But leaving office early like this doesn't really reflect well on her aspirations for higher offices, and the responsibilities therein. Palin, usually a more than capable public speaker, spoke nervously in her press conference, at times as though she were out of breath.

Is there a scandal here? Because, something about this smells fishy. Palin's bid for VP was riddled with scandals, but none large enough to derail her. If there is something sketchy behind this, it would have to be pretty juicy to take her from office now. Given the timing of this, she more than likely had a hand in the untimely death of Michael Jackson. And while clearly, that's not the case, imagine if it were?

It could just be that Sarah's not getting enough attention up there in Wasilla. Maybe Palin got a taste of the spotlight last year. And maybe, just maybe, momma like. If that is the case, you can expect a book deal, speaking tour and 10 p.m. slot on FoxNews in the near future. Whatever she does next, we here at MuckBreaker would be shocked if we've seen the last of Governor Palin.

It's Official

Today, months after so called "elections" and "inaugurations," Barack Obama has officially become the 44th President of the United States. Because today, the Hall of Presidents at Disney World's Magic Kingdom installed their Barack Obama robot.

It would be interesting to see what Disney does when America elects her first robot President. Will they make a human stay in the Hall depicting a robot? Early reports indicate yeah, probably.